when you are in a waiting place

Waiting to get over jet lag, waiting for our household effects to arrive, waiting for taxis, waiting to feel confident in a new job, waiting for friendships to develop, waiting for school to start, for routines to be in place… Waiting for a new place feel like home. If you’ve moved recently, you know what this feels like. You too, are in a waiting place. I’ve done this before, I know how the game works, and still I find myself {Read More}

starting over

and this time I don’t have a plan

Do you like making New Year’s resolutions? Try moving resolutions! Moving to a new place to live and work with a whole bunch of people you’ve never met blows New Year’s out of the water. My mind reels at the possibilities for change… Every move, I think this is my big chance! I will finally be funny, and not awkward, and will know just what to say at the right time instead of 15 minutes later! I look at the blank calendar in front {Read More}

what to do when you feel overwhelmed

5 tips for finding soul space

The past four years have been tough on our family.  Every time I thought I was getting a little breathing room, another crisis, health problem, or another big move with the kids would rear up and I would find myself on my knees again. During these times, I’d often lay awake in bed — all my worries and hopes and thoughts swirling around me.  I would wake up tired and be distracted throughout the day — the little problems and {Read More}

journey to joy: where am I now?

epilogue

So where has all this life-changing stuff led me?

I finally understood that God created me and loved me exactly as I was. I would never have to worry about feeling small again because I was loved by the Creator of the universe. This freed me from my childhood vows in a way that all my achievements never had.  {Read more}

journey to joy: part III

from freedom to joy

It was around this time I started going to church. The pastor was doing a series on “Meeting Jesus”. It was the first time I’d heard Jesus described as the way this pastor was describing him — a regular guy with a wicked sense of humor — oh yeah, and who also happened to be God’s son.

I learned that Jesus — because he died on the cross and rose again — covered over and bore away all those judgmental thoughts, selfishness, and other sins that I thought and did on a daily basis. Jesus was my bridge to God — all my sin and guilt rushed in a great river underneath him and away.  {Read more}

journey to joy: part II

from love to redemption

In that churning mess that was me and my life after Pumpkin was born, I felt for the first time, the pure, strong love of God.

A few months prior, right after Pumpkin was born, I had read a book by Michelle Duggar, a Christian mom of 20 kids. I figured anyone who had 20 kids probably had a few good tips for a new mom!

What I hadn’t expected though, was how much joy Michelle had in God’s love for her. While I had a great husband, my “dream” job, a nice apartment, a beautiful baby, even a maid for crying out loud — I didn’t have joy. For months I had been thinking about it… could I, an educated, modern woman, believe in a timeless, unseen entity that for some bizarre reason, LOVED me no matter what I did or didn’t do?  {Read more}

journey to joy: part I

from achieving to flailing

My parents loved me. Growing up, we had hot food on the table every night, a roof over our heads. My sister and I had toys and stuffed animals and went to Disney World. We took walks to the beach every night after dinner and made tents in the living room. My parents worked really, really hard to give us all that and I have many, many good memories from my childhood.

But there are dark memories too. Memories of plates crashing against walls and my sister and I clutching each other and crying in the closet.  {Read more}