journey to joy: where am I now?

epilogue

{Read Part I: From Achieving to Flailing and Part II: From Love to Redemption and Part III:  From Freedom to Joy}

So where has all this life-changing stuff led me?

I finally uMy Path Through Motherhoodnderstood that God created me and loved me exactly as I was. This freed me from my childhood vows in a way that all my achievements never had.

The first thing I did was to quit my “dream” job, which I actually hated, but had kept on at because I had felt the need to prove my worth.

That freed me to stay home with my kids, who, with their many illnesses and medical issues, very much needed a full-time mom.

I found joy in the simple, unseen rhythms of life with my kids.

In recognizing God as being the one in control of their lives, I was freed from worrying about how my failures as a mom would mess them up.

My hobbies, like writing, which I had doggedly labored at with a need for success and recognition became joys as well.  I was free to pursue them with the pure pleasure of creating something for no other purpose than the joy of creating it.

I discovered new joys in my marriage when I (largely) stopped holding my husband up to my high standards of achievement and began appreciating and respecting him for the very different and very amazing person that he is.

God led me to start a new business — my essential oil business — and through that has shown me the incredible joy of passing the love that He shows to me everyday onto others.. giving to them from the time, talents, and resources that God’s blessed me with.

My days haven’t been easy. My son Buddy was born just two years after Pumpkin and has experienced many of the same struggles she has.  In fact I’d almost say that I’ve encountered more adversity (mundane as it may be) in my life after I became a Christian than before…

…and yet I’ve felt more joy.

Because even on my darkest days… days of holding Pumpkin and Buddy’s hands in the hospital as they struggled to breathe, days of loneliness and isolation, days of living out of suitcases and exhaustion… even on those days, I have the fully expectant hope of finally reaching that perfect wholeness I always dreamed about.

The hope of heaven.

And in the meantime, I have the hope that God hasn’t left me down here to figure it out on my own.

I have someone to cry out to in my despair.

I have someone who cares deeply and aches with me through my struggles.  

I have someone who guides me and plans joy for me.

I believe it when God tells me:

I have plans for you–

–plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

So that’s been my path through motherhood, a Journey to Joy…

…from achieving to flailing..

…from love to redemption..

…then finally from freedom to joy.

Where has your path through motherhood taken you?

 

Joy to you!

Kristin

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